I forget that this world takes effort. That if I want to be better, I have to stand to the face of this weather. This chaos that’s written on this sweater. Like this blood on the ground is looking wetter, the more that I fight the more that I let her, I fall away and this becomes my shelter.
I have to put the work in, and be working, surviving not lurking, living in the shadows not yearning. I have to able to feel alive, I have to be active, I don’t want to lie or I don’t want to live. Its truth that guides me and breaks things, not like you hide things and bruise me. I can’t just live with this, I can’t just bait this fish, I have to stop this risk, clench my fists, stand up when, I want to quit. Throw a fit, take some hits, show my whit’s, slit my wrists.
No not really, don’t stress too bad. I don’t my mind does. I am okay but my mind is suicidal, it plays lyrics and songs imagines recitals, where it can be still it can be idle and escape all these pains that keep growing piles. Suffocating my heart can’t breathe, ice skating on its freeze. Why should I open it let it free, when it just runs from me and leaves.
Yeah so maybe I am gonna leave some open ends leave the chaos in and walk out. Leave behind what I knew what I know. Move on and clean up this world. I don’t want to be in here anymore. Goodbye old Ben, just like your songs its time to restart. See me at school I might be different. That’s okay don’t even worry. Because who I am right now is no longer me. What the future contains will be so free. Maybe even clean. See ya later Ben, I was just told that I have Potential For Prosperity.
